


Darcy Lewis's All-Purpose Guide to Taking Care of Your Pregnant Astrophysicist

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-11-21 00:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jane tells Darcy some big news, her best friend sets to work writing a guide for Stark Tower's residents about what to expect while Jane is expecting.  Thankfully, it involves no tasers!</p><p>(Jane/Thor-centric, some background Clint/Natasha, some background Bruce/Darcy, some not-as-background Pepper/Tony)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting Down to Business

**Author's Note:**

> I plan for there to be several installments of this, one chronicling each rule of Darcy's. What are all of these rules? Read the whole story to find out! I hope you enjoy it.

The day that Jane Foster announced she was pregnant, Darcy’s shrill screams of excitement could be heard from from every floor in Stark Tower. 

Within the hour, Darcy had JARVIS put out a message throughout the building that everyone was to meet her in the living room for an urgent announcement. She practically dragged a reluctant Jane out of her bedroom so she could deliver the news to the team, along with a few added notes of her own. From all corners of the tower, teammates piled into the elevator to see what the fuss was all about. Natasha released Clint’s arm with a smirk as their sparring match was interrupted, and they headed up from the gym. Bruce managed to stumble out of the lab squinting, his vision off-focus from staring at a screen for too long. Pepper rushed from the offices, and Tony, Steve, and Thor all found their ways to the living room where Darcy stood behind Jane, rubbing her blushing friend’s shoulders reassuringly. 

“I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here,” Darcy began, as if she’d always wanted to say that. While she spoke, the team piled onto the couch, settled into armchairs, and Bruce crossed his legs and sat on the floor with impeccable posture for someone who hunched over his research all day long. 

She continued proudly, “Well, my best friend, my science sister, our dearest Jane Foster has told me that she has a certain thunder god’s bun in the oven, and I think it’s best that I lay down some ground rules because this will affect everyone. I repeat, it will affect every single one of you people, so we’d do well to prepare.” 

Clint raised his hand to ask a question, but it was eagerly swatted down by Commander Lewis, eliciting a snicker from Natasha. “You think it’s funny, Romanoff?” Darcy glowered down at the assassins. “Because we’ll sure be laughing when you’re the first to learn what happens when you break one of these sacred rules.” 

“And exactly what will happen?” Natasha asked. Jane, seated on an ottoman, kept her face buried in her hands as Darcy paced like an army sergeant in front of her motley crew. Natasha’s question was ignored, and Jane quietly apologized for her friend. 

“Sorry? This is no time to be sorry, Jane Foster!” Darcy threw her arms up in exasperation. “This is serious business! Everything else has just been fun and games.” She ignored the meek sounds of protest from her best friend, and swung around to face the team once more. Unfurling a list she’d kept hidden underneath the couch, Darcy cleared her throat. 

“Alright, is everyone ready? You may want to take notes here,” she warned. “Let’s begin…” 


	2. The First Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's first official rule in her list of ways to bend over backwards for Thor's expecting wife. It involves a late night run to the diner to satisfy some super cravings.

_“The first rule on my list is that when Jane says ‘Jump’, you ask ‘How high?’,” Darcy dictated. “If she is hungry, you’re asking if she wants Thai or Mexican...”_

\---

The first two months of Jane’s pregnancy were fairly normal. She had the usual morning sickness which kept her on frequent, urgent runs to the bathroom to be sick or to press her face to the cool porcelain of the sink. Every so often one of the residents of the tower stole a glance down towards her stomach as she left the bathroom to see if anything showed on her slight figure yet. 

Darcy always rushed right to her side when she had an episode of dizziness and barked, “Jane, Janie? You okay?” 

Jane would clutch her head or stomach and give a good-natured smile. “Yeah, Darce. I’ll be just fine, it’ll pass.” 

The biggest issue about her pregnancy so far, though-the intense cravings. Jane already had a designated spot in the pantry that no one was allowed to go into except her. Every few days it was something different, and the team almost made a game of guessing what she would be craving next. It started with peanut butter- lots of peanut butter. Then it was vinegary foods, like pickles and ketchup and occasionally actual vinegar. There was no real method to her pregnancy-cravings madness, and if the tower kitchen was ever unprepared, someone was willing to make the run to the grocery store to satiate Thor’s wife.

-

It was 3a.m. on a Sunday night- morning?- and Jane stared at the ceiling with wide eyes in the dark. “Thor,” she whispered. A snore was her only answer. Again, she hissed her husband’s name. “Thor, get up.” 

The slumbering Asgardian stirred gently. “What is it, my sweet?” he rumbled, rubbing his eyes drowsily. 

“Thor, I’m hungry. Like, _really_ hungry.” 

Thor turned over on his side. “Hm? Then you ought to visit the pantry downstairs, I’m sure there is something in there you can eat.” He draped an arm lovingly over her and drew her closer. 

Jane frowned. “No. I’m seriously hungry, and I want to go down to that little all-night diner a few blocks down. And you’re taking me,” she murmured, burying herself into the warmth of Thor’s chest as he gently stroked her hair. “Thor, I’m craving, and pregnant, and it’s 3a.m. Don’t question me right now.” 

Her husband didn’t argue. Instead, he held her close for a moment, and then turned over, reaching for the lamp in the bedside table. He flipped on the light and helped Jane to sit up slowly. The two of them got dressed in the bleary twilight and stole out of the tower, informing JARVIS of their whereabouts. 

“Very good, Master and Missus Odinson. I shall expect your return in an hour or so,” the voice intoned. 

-

It was late and dark, and neither Thor nor Jane fancied themselves particularly good at driving, especially at this hour. It was too cold to walk, though, and they didn’t want to hail a cab. “Look, I’ll just drive, okay? I’m just that hungry and desperate. Besides, it’s only a few blocks away, nothing’s gonna happen,” Jane huffed, tugging Thor to the garage of the tower and retrieving her keys from the safebox. Her husband followed quietly, trying his best not to fall asleep on his feet. 

It was a five minute drive to the diner, whose hideously neon ‘open’ sign was invitation enough for Jane. “C’mon, there’s hardly anyone in here.” 

There were about four patrons inside, Jane and Thor making six, seven if you counted the baby-to-be. The couple took a seat in an empty booth towards the back of the establishment, next to a window. The red vinyl cushions sighed tiredly as Jane and her husband scooted in on either side of the table. She wasted no time in picking up one of the laminated menus, flipping through to find something to satisfy her hunger pangs. “You going to get anything?” she asked Thor, not looking up from the menu. “Hm, is 3:30 too early to get breakfast?” 

Thor chuckled, resting his head in one hand sleepily. “No, love, I do not wish to eat anything at this hour. But I encourage you to pick something that both you and the child will enjoy.” He began to pick listlessly at a napkin as Jane ordered and handed her menu off to the waitress. Darcy’s words of advice echoed in his ears as he recalled the first rule off of her list. It was hard to forget it, when she kept several copies tacked up around various rooms in the tower where everyone was sure to see them. 

Soon enough, Jane’s meal (if you could call it that) arrived. A decaf tea, a glass of water, a large plate of French fries, a side of ketchup, a pickle, and a few slices of tomato were all placed in front of her, and she grinned eagerly. Thor thanked the server, and watched his wife set to work on her strange feast. 

“I think the kid wanted salt,” Jane said, a tiny drip of ketchup catching in the corner of her lips as she snacked on a few fries. “Can’t argue with its tastes, though, because this is oddly delicious.” She grinned, tucking into the haphazard stack of about four or five tomato slices. 

“Are you sure you are not just blaming our child for a strange eating habit of yours?” Thor joked, snatching a few fries from the edge of her plate and munching on them thoughtfully. 

“Hey, watch it, Odinson. That’s a pretty big accusation coming from the Asgardian who insisted we dine on _dyresteg*_ on our wedding night.” 

“Fair enough,” he smiled as he watched Jane impressively put away the rest of her food. Soon enough, she had managed to finish everything, and the two paid for their meal and headed back home. Thor offered to drive, slowly but safely as he could, so Jane could let her stomach settle. She rested contentedly in the passenger seat. The Asgardian couldn’t help but smile at the meek little burp followed by a quiet apology that escaped his wife as he drove. 

-

Before too long, they were walking back into the tower together, Jane wrapped comfortably in Thor’s strong embrace.

“Welcome back,” JARVIS greeted the couple. “I’ve already called the lift for you.” 

They stepped into the elevator together and headed up in relative silence back to their floor. Thor and his wife scrambled back into bed gratefully, drawing close for warmth since in their absence the sheets had become quite cold. 

“Good night, my dear Jane. Or should I say good morning?” The time on their clock read 4:17a.m. Thor switched off the bedside light, gave the top of Jane’s head a chaste kiss, and closed his eyes. Jane’s stomach gurgled in the darkness, and she couldn’t help but giggle. 

“That was fun,” she whispered impishly. “Let’s do it again soon.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dyresteg in this case refers to a dish of roast reindeer in a goat cheese sauce.
> 
> I'm so so sorry for not writing this sooner! I definitely never forgot, since I've got the whole fic planned out in my writing notebook. I just hadn't had the time to sit down and write it yet. I hope you enjoy! Hopefully there won't be as big of a delay between this and the next chapter.
> 
> What does Darcy's guide say about making Jane feel self-conscious when she finally starts to show her baby bump? Find out whenever I get around to writing the next chapter!


	3. Barely a Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's her third month, and she shouldn't be showing yet, right? Normally, pregnant women her size wouldn't begin to show just yet. Unfortunately, Jane's demigod child will be anything but normal.

_“Rule number two,” Darcy continued, “You must_ never _insinuate that Jane is getting fat. No one will defend you from her wrath.”_

_She turned around and grinned at her pregnant friend. “Don’t worry, Janie. You’re so small, you won’t begin to show for months. You’ve got lots of time.” Darcy pretended not to notice Natasha rolling her eyes as she paused to make sure everyone understood her second law._

\---

It was true that Jane was a petite woman, and normally petite pregnant women didn’t begin to show until well into their fourth month. Then again, normal pregnant women didn’t carry the children of gods either. It wasn’t until the middle of her third month that anyone noticed anything, and even then it was fairly mild. 

Jane got up that morning with hair tousled, and gave a long, tired stretch in front of the mirror. Her loose flannel shirt pulled up as her shoulders went back, and she was surprised to notice for the first time the soft curvature of her stomach. It was incredibly small, and unnoticeable to anyone who wasn’t scrutinizing over Jane’s figure. But it was definitely there. 

A flutter ran through her stomach as she smiled secretly to herself. It really was there. She and Thor were really going to have a baby. 

Jane got dressed from breakfast quickly, throwing on a novelty “World’s Sexiest Astrophysicist” shirt ( _Darcy’s Christmas gift to her from three years ago_ ), and a pair of yoga pants, loose and forgiving around the waistline. Not that she needed it yet. 

“Morning,” she yawned, rubbing her eyes as she padded into the kitchen. Darcy and Bruce had already cleared their dishes and moved to the couch for a mid-morning chat, while Clint hunched over his plate and Natasha poured a mug of coffee. The redheaded assassin turned, nodded in greeting, and offered Jane a cup of the steaming brew. 

“Oh, wait, I forgot,” Natasha quickly retracted. “No caffeine. Sorry.” 

“That’s okay,” Jane mumbled, opening the refrigerator and taking a long, lazy look inside. She idly scratched at her stomach, not noticing the curious stares of the assassin and the archer. Taking the strawberry jelly from the fridge, she then shuffled over to the pantry and removed a foil package of PopTarts. She placed these on the table before deciding on having a mug of decaffeinated tea. 

As Jane reached up into a high cabinet to retrieve the tea bags and sugar, her shirt lifted up in the same manner it had done earlier that morning. A surprised gasp came from the breakfast table. 

“Pay up, Romanoff,” Clint smirked, holding out his hand to his partner. “Come on, twenty bucks.” 

“Oh my god, I don’t believe it,” the redhead muttered, lifting up Jane’s shirt just a peep, totally ignoring common courtesy to stare and see if it hadn’t just been a trick of the light. “It could have just been the way she was stretching.” 

Jane’s hands flew to pull down her top, hiding her stomach and revealing a red flush of embarrassment creeping across her cheeks. She stammered, “I d-don’t get it, what’s such a surprise?” 

Darcy put her conversation with Bruce over lab equipment on pause, her ears perking up as her friend struggled with her discomfort. 

“Tasha and I had a bet going about when you’d begin to show. Didn’t really think it would be this early,” Clint admitted between bites of toast. Crumbs clung to the corner of his mouth. “Guess Thor’s kid is gonna make himself known as soon as possible, huh?” 

Natasha’s lips turned upwards into a smirking smile as Jane knitted her brows together. “It’s really nothing yet,” Jane said. “And I can’t believe you would make a bet like that. Don’t I at least get a share in it? Darcy, there has to be one of your rules about that.” 

Upon hearing her name, Darcy leapt up from the couch. She quickly gave Bruce a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll finish this talk later,” she promised him before turning her attention to the kitchen. “Alright, you three. What’s going on in here?” 

Jane still stood with her hands covering her stomach, tugging anxiously at the front of her shirt to ensure it wouldn’t lift again as she waited for her tea to boil. Natasha shrugged and Clint snickered as Darcy marched in. “Did I hear Natasha breaking the second rule? Hm?” She turned to give a menacing look to the assassins before going over to rub her best friend’s shoulders. “It’s okay,” Darcy reassured her friend, “You’re allowed to be upset. It says so in the rules.” 

“I wasn’t even upsetting her,” Natasha protested. “And if anything, it was Clint’s id-”

Darcy hushed the assassin before turning a softer gaze back on Jane. “Janie, look at me. You’re beautiful, and I love you, and seriously if you need me to kick her ass just say the word.” 

“Really, Darcy, it was no big deal. I’m not upset or anything,” Jane promised, her words falling on deaf ears. Darcy continued to rub her shoulders and whisper soothing things to her. 

Just then, Thor trotted into the kitchen commons. Having just come from the gym, he had a small towel draped over his shoulders, but was otherwise shirtless. He opened the fridge, grabbed a carton of orange juice, and took a long pull before turning to the scene before him. “Who is it that is making my wife upset?” he wondered loudly. 

Clint and Darcy almost immediately pointed to Natasha, while Jane ducked her head with a shrug. She was fine, really. 

Thor raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is that so? Natasha, why is it that you have decided this morning to make Jane the subject of your teasing?” 

This time, Jane stepped in to defend the poor assassin, who was too apoplectic to make a coherent argument. “Thor, it’s really nothing. She and Clint were just remarking how you could already see the beginning of my baby bump.” 

“Is that true?” 

Everyone in the kitchen but Darcy nodded, and with a joyous rumble of laughter, Thor swept Jane up into his arms bridal-style. “Oh, my dear,” he grinned. “Is it not the most exciting thing? My wife, the most striking woman I have ever beheld in the nine realms, will soon proudly show to the world that a beautiful child will be ours in a matter of months!” He chuckled again, kissing Jane’s forehead as she blushed. 

Clint leaned over the table to whisper to Natasha. “I think we’re off the hook.” 

As Jane and Thor nuzzled noses lovingly- Natasha had to avert her eyes to avoid cringing- Darcy caught the assassin by the wrist. 

“Oh no, you’re not. One last thing, Romanoff. Say you’re sorry,” Darcy demanded, stamping a foot impatiently. 

Knowing she couldn’t win, Natasha sighed and threw up her hands in exasperation. “Fine. Foster, I’m sorry… that your baby bump is going to be so ridiculously big.” She laughed and shot up from her seat to leave the kitchen. 

They’d never seen Darcy lunge after someone so rapidly in her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this next chapter! I worked to get it out sooner than the last one. Also, I apologize for making it mostly dialogue, it was just what this scenario called for.
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter! How does Darcy's guide say to handle Jane Foster's pregnancy hormones? And more importantly, how does Thor handle it?


	4. Hormones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy lets Thor in the know on a few of his 'husbandly duties' for when mommy-to-be Jane is feeling... a little lascivious.

_Darcy grinned slightly as she looked at the next rule on the list. “Ah, rule the third,” she announced with a flourish. “This rule applies only to Thor. It’s about his, ah, husbandly duties. Come with me to the other room, big guy.”_

_She tugged the Asgardian out of the room and out of earshot. Tony and the assassins seemed to catch on pretty quickly what this rule might entail. Steve looked slightly bewildered, but no one wanted to explain to him just what Darcy had meant._

_“Okay, listen up,” Darcy said in a hushed voice. “Pregnancy is a big time for hormones in our little Janie, so you’re going to have to be extra good to her, okay? Like, backrubs and footrubs without being asked. And be sure to take care of her when she gets… frisky.”_

_Thor nodded slowly, processing her guidelines quietly in his head._

_“Oh… OH,” he soon realized._

_Darcy punched him lightly on the arm. “Glad we’re on the same page, big guy. Okay, let’s get back to the group. Don’t want to leave them wondering.”_

\---

The rest of the team (well, most of the rest of the team) didn’t exactly have to guess what Darcy told Thor that day. It wasn’t such a big deal- they were all grown adults, and how did they think Jane’s baby got there in the first place? Everyone went about their lives as was normal. The rule didn’t apply to them, so it was all up to Thor to deal with his wife when it came to that area of expertise. Occasionally, they would catch the lovers snuggling on the couch, or Jane with her feet on Thor’s lap as he massaged her sore, swollen toes. But none of them could, or cared to, imagine what meek, mild-mannered, mother-to-be Jane Foster wanted behind closed doors. Not even Thor knew quite what he was in for. 

-

_It’s not fair_ , she told herself. 

Jane was well into her fourth month now, her rounded belly more pronounced than it had been during the last month’s breakfast debacle. Now there was no mistaking that she was pregnant. The morning sickness had subsided, but her hormones were kicking it into high gear now. 

She’d lain down on the living room couch for a midday nap just to get off her feet for a little bit. Now, one of the maternity books that Darcy had bought for her said something about weird dreams occurring during pregnancy, but it never could have warned her about the totally unfair, incredibly anatomically correct dream she had about her husband as she rested. 

Jane’s eyes shot open and she woke up to find herself wrapped snuggly in the blanket just how she’d fallen asleep. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat and panting slightly. 

“Damn,” she muttered, taking deep breaths to calm herself. The message couldn’t have been any clearer. She put a shaky hand on her belly. “Alright, alright. We’ll go find daddy, okay? Just settle down for a little bit in there, sheesh.” Once she had composed herself, she got up from the couch and headed back to her and Thor’s bedroom. 

-

Later that evening, Thor returned to the tower, exhausted from a day of training at SHIELD’s newest facilities. The team needed to practice group fighting techniques that involved letting the Hulk out to play as well as testing the abilities of each of their signature weapons against one another. Defense and offense and strategy. That sort of stuff. 

The lumbering Asgardian shuffled his feet into his room, leaving Mjolnir in the stand that Tony had built for the hammer. Turning to face his bed, he was surprised to see Jane sitting on the edge, looking incredibly eager to greet her husband. 

“Oh, hello, Jane” he greeted, smiling tiredly. 

She was silent for a moment, grinning as she drank in the sight of his freshly-worked muscles through his form-fitting shirt. “Hi,” she finally managed, breaking her gaze for a moment. She got up off the bed and brushed her hand on his arm as she walked to the door, turning the lock with a _click_.

Thor furrowed his brows. “Jane, why have you bolted the entrance to our chambers? Is all well?” 

“Yeah. Great. It’s about to be a lot better if you get into bed with me.” 

The Asgardian frowned slightly, wondering why there was such a hint of urgency in her voice. _Oh no, this is what Darcy warned me about_ , he suddenly realized. “Jane, surely you wouldn’t prefer a backrub?” he offered. He was too tired for this right now. 

Jane pursed her lips. “Thor, you know that’s not what I need. Come on, at least lay down on the bed with me.” 

Her husband reluctantly obliged, pulling his worn shirt off over his head before settling down on their large shared bed. Thor sat with his shoulders up against the headboard, waiting somewhat nervously for what his wife had in mind. 

“Alright-,” he began. Before he knew it, Jane had clambered on top of his torso, beaming triumphantly down at him as she straddled his chiseled stomach. It was a little awkward with her small, curved belly between them. 

Jane didn’t seem to care. She traced her fingers lovingly around his pectorals with a smirk on her face. “I- We’ve been waiting for you to get home, Thor. The baby’s lonely, you know. I think it wants some company down there.” 

Thor’s eyes opened wide at the way she’d phrased that. "Jane...I," he swallowed tightly and gently held her an arms width away. "I would very much enjoy participating in intimate activities with you, but I fear my...enthusiasm would bring you or the child to harm." 

Jane frowned. “Thor,” she began, matter-of-factly. “I have needs. My sex drive is through the roof right now and it’s mostly your fault, okay? I spent the better part of my afternoon waiting for you to get home so we could blow off some steam, and while you were gone I got plenty of Google research done. We’re fine. You’re not gonna hurt the baby.” 

She leaned in closer, glowering slightly. “For pity’s sake, you’re the god of fertility, Thor. Defend your honor. _Now_ ,” she hissed. 

Thor sighed. “Jane, my dearest, I love you. This you know. But is now the best time?” 

He could tell that was the wrong answer by the way her jaw clenched. He heard Jane whine a little, and then pout. Thor was frankly surprised she hadn’t clawed him to bits now, especially since he was breaking Darcy’s rule number 3, which was on the list taped to their closet door at that very moment. 

“Thor, we’re not happy with you right now,” she scowled, placing a hand on the curve of her stomach as if she were speaking on behalf of the baby, who probably had no idea that Jane was blaming it for her sexual frustrations. “And at least if you won’t apologize to me, apologize to the baby.” 

Thor almost rolled his eyes, but that would have put his wife over the edge. Instead, he sat up, lifting Jane and moving her off of his chest and placing her beside him in bed. He turned over onto his side, placing his cheek against her belly. “What do you want me to say to the child?” 

Jane said nothing, continuing to gaze angrily at her husband. 

“My dearest child, I, ah,” he began, trying to sound sincere as he could while talking to Jane’s stomach, “I apologize heartily for not finding myself able to satisfy you or your mother’s desires.” 

The rest of his explanation was cut short by a nudge to the side of his face that was pressed against her. Thor frowned and glanced up at Jane, who stared outwards, eyebrows raised in shock. 

“Jane, did you-”

“That wasn’t me,” she muttered, surprised. “I think that was the baby.” 

The Asgardian gave broad smile. “Jane, my love, I believe our child has just kicked!” 

Jane rubbed her hand over her stomach lovingly. “Babies do that, Thor,” she murmured, trying to hide her own excited grin. “But you’re still not free yet. If anything, I think the kid agrees with me. That was its way of trying to kick some sense into you.” 

The couple shared a long moment of silence, Jane’s eyes pleading with Thor’s tired eyes. 

“Alright, my sweet,” he conceded, speaking both to Jane and her belly. “We will do what you desire, but you must promise to be extremely careful so as not to harm the child.” 

Jane nearly leapt off the bed in excitement. 

“That’s much more like it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, which puts us officially over halfway done with this fic! Thanks for all the continued words of encouragement. It really makes writing for my favorite pairing that much more fun.
> 
> Chapter 5 will tackle the reverse side of Jane's hormonal spectrum- the mood swings! Which poor members of the team will get stuck right in the middle of an emotional hurricane Jane?


	5. Nesting and Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane starts to get anxious and emotional as she prepares the Tower and herself for the birth of her child.

_Darcy returned with the list, and Thor took a seat on the floor, patting his lap and beckoning for Jane to join him. She gratefully obliged and sat down, and Thor began to rub her shoulders. Darcy spied the couple, shot a wink at Jane, and then smiled at Thor. “Good job, big guy,” she said, giving the Asgardian a thumbs-up._

_“Alright.” Darcy returned her attention to the rest of the group. “We’re over half done done. I hope you’re all hanging in there, because I’ve only got-”_

_She counted off on her fingers._

_“Just a few rules left. Which brings me to the fourth rule- No one is safe from a potential emotional hurricane Foster. Just go along with her mood swings and try to be sensitive. I’ve got extra boxes of tissue available in my room, in case anyone happens to make her cry. And just to be super prepared, I’ve already hidden the DVDs Titanic, the Notebook and Pixar’s Up.”_

-

In her sixth month, Jane began nesting. And crying a lot. Usually the latter as a result of the former. Thor was actually quite concerned at one point. 

“Darcy,” he mumbled, “I do not understand why the practice is called nesting if Jane is not a bird, the baby is not an egg, and I do not see any nests about.” 

Darcy just rolled her eyes and responded, “Well, whatever you do, don’t ask Barton about it. He won’t think it’s funny. Trust me.” Then, she gingerly rubbed a bruise on her arm, as if for emphasis. 

Jane seemed determined to make sure everything was perfect for when the baby was set to arrive. After a routine check-up with Bruce, the couple had learned that their little bundle of joy would be a baby girl. 

Of course, the expectant mother thought it would be fun to keep the sex a secret from the rest of the Tower, but she soon realized that her overwhelming urge to pick fluffy pink blankets and purple lampshades and every single thing with baby ducks and bunnies on it would give her away. 

Shortly after they had made the announcement to the Tower, Thor received word that he was needed back on Asgard for only a few short days as they finished some diplomatic agreements with Alfheim. “Do not fret,” Thor said, dropping a kiss to the crown of Jane’s head. “I shall return soon, and you have a tower full of loving friends who will be sure to tend to your needs while I am gone. Chin up, my dearest.” 

Jane pouted a little, conceding that traveling the Bifrost was probably not the smartest idea for her, considering how big the baby was getting these days. 

Thor fit his hand softly in the curve of her lower back. “Besides, Lady Potts has promised she will keep vigilant watch over you.” 

“Fine,” Jane sighed, pressing her cheek to her husband’s chest, her protruding stomach making the gesture a little awkward. Thor chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. 

“I shall return before you notice I am gone. I give you my word.” 

\- 

Tony wasn’t exactly happy that Pepper had volunteered their date night to be spent watching Jane and making sure she stayed out of trouble. Pepper had already caught the woman attempting to drag the recently-assembled crib to the opposite corner of the nursery, and had to talk her out of the activity gently. She’d even seen the mother-to-be fall to pieces trying to decide between the colors ‘lavender blush’ and ‘lavender mist’ for the baby’s bedding. 

“They’re just so different and I don’t want to pick the wrong one,” she sniffled lamely as the redhead patted her shoulders and tried to hush her. 

Now that her pre-baby obsessions were kicking themselves into high gear, Jane tried at every moment she could to sneak off and fix one of the million things that was wrong with the baby’s room. Sure, the painting of some flowers had looked nice on the wall opposite the window yesterday, but today the glare coming from the sun just wouldn’t be tolerated. Now the picture needed to go on the same wall that the crib rested along. Oh, no, wait, maybe it looked better where it had been in the first place…

\- 

“Come on, Pep, I don’t see why we have to babysit the baby mama,” Tony whined. He tried to wrap an arm around her shoulder, but Pepper gently pushed his hand off.

“I promised Thor,” she explained. “Besides, you know Thor would watch over me in a heartbeat if you had to go away for some reason. Not that I’d really need taking care of, but still, I know he’d do the same for you.” Pepper gave Tony a quick peck on the cheek and then a look that said ‘just go with it’. The man rolled his eyes with a sigh as they walked out to the kitchen where they’d left their pregnant project sitting. 

“Hey, where’d she go?” Tony asked when they found the chair they’d last seen her in empty. No response. “Pep? We didn’t lose her, did w-”

Pepper stood silently in the doorway, pointing to the living room couch. She was watching something intently- that something was Jane. 

Not only had Jane managed to take every single cushion off the couch and create a pile of pillows in the corner of the room, but now she was hovering over the coffee table with a stack of baby clothes that she, Thor, and Darcy had gone shopping for that past week. Every few moments, she would pause, shuffle through the pile of little pajamas and blankets, and pick something out to refold and then place in the pile to her left, presumably of the things she’d already dealt with once or twice. 

“Oh my god, she’s finally snapped,” Tony mumbled, smiling to himself. JARVIS had better be getting this on the security footage. 

Pepper elbowed him and rolled her eyes before walking quietly over to her friend. She put her hands softly on Jane’s shoulders. “Hey there, Jane. What do we have here?” 

“I wanted to make sure the baby’s clothes were all neatly organized. Also, I decided that the couch cushions needed refluffing,” the pregnant woman explained with a smile, putting down the bundle she held in her arms. 

Pepper just nodded slowly. “Jane, you think we should maybe put the cushions back? Then we can all just sit down and watch a movie or something. Tony ordered some pizza, so that will be here in a little while. Does that sound good?” 

“Pepper, I don’t know why you’re talking to me as if _I’m_ the baby,” Jane said, raising her eyebrows. She turned to retrieve the cushions she’d pulled off the couch in her nesting frenzy, and Tony sauntered in to see how everything was going. He stood and watched as the women replaced the pillows and fixed the couch. 

“So, mama bird is finally nesting, huh?” 

“Shut up, Tony,” both women chimed in unison. 

The billionaire scoffed. “Come on. While we wait for the pizza to get here, let’s watch something fun, okay? Jane, your pick.” He tossed the remote to her, and she caught it almost effortlessly. Patting the cushions as he took a seat and put his shoes up on the coffee table, he beckoned for the ladies to sit. “Take a load off. I’m sure your feet are tired.” 

Pepper gladly joined Tony on the couch, snaking her arm around his waist and drawing close to him. Jane, however, stood silently for a moment and looked downwards. The couple exchanged concerned glances as the mother-to-be’s shoulders began to shake a little. Oh no, she was…

“Damn it, Pepper, she’s crying,” Tony hissed. “What did I do? I say do anything to make her cry. You’re my witness to Big Blonde. I didn’t do anything.” 

“M-my toes,” Jane sniffled sadly. 

“What? What did she say?” 

“Something about her toes?” 

“Jane, sweetie, what about your toes?” Pepper asked. 

“I,” she began before hiccupping. “I can’t see my toes anymore.” 

Tony groaned in exasperation and Pepper jabbed him in the ribs to quiet him, in case his whining set Jane off any further. It took nearly twenty minutes to calm her down from her breathy sobs to mere pathetic whimpering, eventually to the occasional, quiet sniffle. In that time, the pizza was delivered by a young woman whose name was Kendra, according to the magnetic clip on her uniform shirt. 

“Kendra,” Tony implored, “I will give you a $200 tip if you watch this pregnant woman my girlfriend and I are supposed to be babysitting. Take her with you on your delivery route or something, but just give me some alone time with my woman.” 

“Sir, I don’t think I’m legally allowed to do that,” the young woman replied, swaying on her toes. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Legality,” he scoffed, taking the pizzas from Kendra and hastily passing her a wad of bills for a tip- whatever he’d had in his wallet. A generous sum of money. 

“Thank you, sir,” the delivery girl smiled, stuffing the cash into her pocket and turning with a wave. “Good luck with your babysitting.” 

Now the newly sated Jane was reclining on the re-cushioned couch as Pepper painted her toes a sparkling green color and assured her that though her feet were a little puffy and hidden from her sight, they weren’t ugly and they were in fact still down there. Tony flipped through various channels before stopping on one that was playing “Blade Runner”. Neither woman was watching, so he just indulged in some pizza and a movie while they were distracted. 

After some time, Pepper got up quietly and sat next to Tony. Jane remained still on the other end of the sofa. 

“Pep, is she okay?” 

“I think she tired herself out, poor thing. She fell sound asleep after I painted her toes,” Pepper whispered, holding a finger to her lips. 

Tony moved her finger away and replaced it with a quick kiss, looking over at Jane’s sleeping form and shook his head. “What a handful. Pepper, if we ever have a child, promise me you’ll never behave like that.” 

“ _If?_ ”

The man frowned. “Virginia Potts, I swear…”

“Don’t worry,” she laughed, “Not yet. We’ll have time to plan before anything happens. I promise.” She drew close to Tony and sighed with a smile. 

Jane slept straight through until the morning, cold leftover pizza there to greet her for breakfast as she waited for her husband to return home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAACK FROM THE DEAD. I apologize for this taking so long! I've had so many things getting in the way. Next one penultimate rule, followed by the birth and conclusion of this fic! Thanks for following!


	6. But Ducks Are Cute and So Are You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second to last rule in the guide seems like a silly one... but Darcy's promises it's a legitimate concern! This chapter will lead into the end of the fic, so you want to stick around and see what happens!

_“We’re in the home stretch, people!” Darcy grinned, raising her arms above her head and yawning widely for emphasis. “You all still with me?”_

_She looked around the room. Bruce remained upright with impeccable posture, though he seemed to have nodded off. Clint and Natasha feigned interest, the archer flicking Natasha to attention whenever she stopped paying attention. Not like he was listening either, but he liked to antagonize his partner. The others remained in varying stages of “this will never apply to us, but we’ll indulge Darcy just this once”. Though Pepper seemed to think the rules were genuinely helpful, and would remember them enough between herself and Tony, who was probably at this moment coming up with his own special way to break each and every one. Steve still seemed to be in shock from that third rule, once he realized what that meant for the happy couple._

_Jane had since stopped blushing, and was now resting on Thor’s lap, her husband’s arms draped around her lovingly. They nuzzled necks like a pair of swans, Darcy noted. She wondered how long it would take the lady swan to become more like a waddling mama duck, this being the subject of her next instruction. She laughed to herself and returned to her speech._

_“Come on, guys! Two rules left. We can do this, I know we can!”_

_When she was satisfied with the amount of perceived attention she was finally getting, Darcy continued, “When our dearest Jane looks like she’s swallowed a planet-”_

_“Hey!”_

_“Sorry, but you can’t pretend like it’s not gonna happen, sweetie. Anyways, when that happens, she’s gonna have trouble walking around like a normal person. It’s our job to make sure her path around the tower is as clear and simple as possible. And you bigger, stronger boys are in charge of carrying her everywhere  ,” she said gesturing to Thor and Steve. _

_Clint looked offended._

_Darcy rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Look, if you want to carry her around too, be my guest. But when we get to that point, I don’t want her puffy mommy toes to even have to touch the floor if we can help it, okay?”_

_The archer suddenly decided he’d rather leave the responsibility to the two designated strongmen. Funny how that worked out._

_“And you have some time until that happens. Better keep up the upper-body strength, not that you need it,” Darcy laughed, taking an appreciative look at the blondes’ not-so-subtle muscles._

_“And after that, there’s just one rule left…”_

\--

It astounded most of the tower how quickly the child seemed to be growing inside of Jane. It shouldn’t have been too much of a surprise, given Jane’s small stature and Thor’s massive size. Asgardians were just built a little differently. She was only just 8 months along, and she looked like she might pop any day now. Someone remarked that the astrophysicist had begun to look like a martini olive on a toothpick, and Darcy let that one slide only because it was _really true_. The other tower residents started taking softer footsteps around her as Tony and Clint were now convinced that if anyone stomped too much, the poor woman might just go into early labor. 

With this dramatic shift in size came the waddling, as promised. Jane had never felt so ungainly before, but with a big baby girl pressing her in all directions, her frequent trips to the bathroom or to the couch couldn’t exactly be a graceful ballet. Her books had also explained that the hormones were making her joints relaxed in preparation for the baby, causing the strange walking. Her joints may have been relaxed, but she and her husband were anything but. 

-

When Steve first noticed Jane toddling about oddly, he stood in the doorway and quietly observed her fixing herself a snack in the kitchen. He wasn’t sure if he should laugh, or offer to assist her as she lumbered about. Once or twice she had accidentally closed a cabinet or a drawer with her protruding belly. Steve smiled to himself. Darcy dropped by and stood behind the soldier as he watched. 

“Darcy, she’s doing that waddling you were talking about, right?” 

She nodded with a grin. “Like a penguin, buddy. Why don’t you go help her out?” 

Steve agreed and swooped in politely. “Jane, here, let me get that for you.” He retrieved a drinking glass from the shelf just out of her reach, and once she’d poured some iced tea and gotten a plate of cheese and crackers, he picked her up bridal-style and deposited her into one of the lounge chairs in the living room. Looking up, he spied Darcy giving an approving thumbs-up before she disappeared into the shadows of the hall. 

“Thanks, Steve, but you didn’t have to do that.” 

“Oh no, it was no trouble. Besides, I think Darcy’s guide designated me as one of your assistants. Let me know if you need any more help.” 

-

Thor generally hovered between working with the team and spending time with his wife, but more often than not, work kept him busy until the evening. Meanwhile, Darcy was always waiting never more than six or seven feet away from her friend, ready to leap into action if Jane needed anything at all while the others were out. 

So now, she spent most of her time propped up on the couch with a book, television chattering in the background. She wanted to catch up on Downton Abbey, but Darcy preemptively deleted the episode recordings, promising Jane season 3 once the baby was born. Jane threatened to borrow the DVD from Happy, who was by occasionally on business for Stark Industries. Once or twice she caught the man looking at her sadly, muttering something about Sybil… Huh. Well, she would figure out what that meant later. For now, she and Darcy were content to just watch reruns of Friends. 

\- 

“Darcy, is it really that funny when I walk around?” 

Darcy looked scandalized, “Who said it was funny?” 

Jane playfully rolled her eyes. “Oh please,” she chuckled, “I’ve caught everyone laughing a few times, including you. And they think it’s even funnier the way Thor toddles along after me making sure I don’t need any help. I look like a mother duck, don’t I?” 

“Well, okay, yeah. But hey, ducks are cute and so are you! A cute mama duck,” Darcy couldn’t help but admit with a smile. “It is pretty funny. But the baby is just so big and you’re so little!” She gave her best friend’s belly a gentle pat and was met with a kicking baby hand or foot or whatever. She wasn’t really sure. “Whoa there! She’s getting antsy, isn’t she?” 

“You’re telling me,” the astrophysicist huffed, short of breath. The baby’s size made it tougher and tougher for her to sit, walk, breathe, sleep, eat, or even just exist without some manner of discomfort. But today it was especially rough, and as she rested on the couch with her best friend, Jane found herself readjusting her pillows or scooting about the cushions as she tried to find a more comfortable position to recline in. Nothing seemed to be helping, though. 

Every so often, Darcy would glance over at her and make sure she was okay, still breathing and whatnot. But something seemed very off. Once, Jane even whimpered and gingerly rubbed the small of her back just for a brief moment before quietly refocusing her attention on whatever was playing on television now. But she hadn’t really been paying attention for the last hour or so. 

“Janie? You doing okay?” 

“Huh?” Jane replied, almost as if she were about to be sick, “I, uh… yeah. Darcy? Would you call Thor, please?” 

Her friend froze, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling. Eyes wide, Darcy asked, “Jane? It’s… you’re not serious, are you?” 

Jane’s eyes were about as serious as they had ever been. Darcy shrieked and clambered for her phone, which was on the kitchen counter. “But, but, but it can’t happen yet! Oh my god, Jane, hold on.” She grasped her phone with trembling hands, looking back at her friend on the couch. She tried to find Thor in her contacts but first she accidentally dialed 911 and pressed the ‘end call’ button so hard that she dropped the phone entirely. 

Not that he had been eavesdropping, but JARVIS quickly chimed in. “Mister Stark has prepared me with an emergency hotline in the case that the team should be out when labor began. Miss Lewis, you may calm down and find out if there is anything you can do to help Mrs. Odinson. I’m sure you don’t want to frighten her.” 

“Right, right, sorry,” she muttered, running back to Jane, who was taking deep breaths (well, as deep as she could take them with her lungs a little cramped for space). “Okay, Jane, what can I do for you?” 

Jane, between contractions which were still fairly far apart, tried to figure out what she needed. “Uh, in the room is a labor bag that Thor and I prepared for when this would happen. That would be good. JARVIS, did you reach them?” 

“Yes, I have contacted the team, and your husband is on his way in an escort vehicle provided by Stark Industries. The others will meet in the medical wing of the SHIELD facility to await the arrival of your beautiful daughter. Best of luck to you and your husband.” 

-

When he arrived, Thor didn’t even take the elevator that JARVIS had prepared. Instead he flew, dropping his hammer on the balcony and barreling into the living room where Darcy was hunched over Jane, rubbing her shoulders and whispering reassurances to her best friend. “Look, Janie, Thor is here,” she said, and her friend looked up with a mixture of relief and anxiety plastered across her face. 

“Jane!” Thor bellowed, rushing over to his wife. “Is she well?” 

Darcy stepped back to give the couple a moment. “She’ll be okay, big guy. But we should probably get going soon. If she has this baby on Stark’s couch, he’ll probably make you pay for the new one.” 

The Asgardian was unaffected by her attempt at lightening the situation. He crouched by Jane, resting a hand on her thigh. 

“Jane is it truly time?” 

His only response was a meek nod on Jane’s part. Thor scooped her lovingly into his arms, intent on carrying her as he had promised Darcy he would all those months ago. He dropped a gentle, loving kiss to his wife’s forehead before walking to the elevator, Darcy close at hand with the things Jane had requested. 

“Then we must go and prepare to meet our beautiful daughter.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for neglecting this for so long. You wouldn't believe the chaos the last two months have been. But now school is winding down and I plan to finish this so I can start some new fics I have planned! Thanks for sticking with me for so long. :)


	7. Above All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final installment of the series: And here comes baby!

_Darcy took a deep breath and prepared herself to read the final rule. “Awesome. Oh man, I’m so proud of all of you for behaving this far. We have one rule left, but before I read it, I want to recap the other rules, okay? Cool.”_

_She held up a finger for each rule as she repeated them in order. “You get Jane whatever she wants when she wants it. You never call her fat, no matter how big that baby belly gets. Thor, I don’t need to repeat this one,” she said with a wink. Holding up a fourth finger, she continued, “Be sensitive and deal with the mood swings, because there will be mood swings. Carry Jane when she has trouble walking.”_

_Darcy took her fully opened hand and waved it around at everyone, making sure they were all paying attention to the very last and definitely most important rule. “Alright, now that we’ve got those down, we can go on to the very last rule. It’s the most important, and if you forget all the others- which you won’t- I pray that you remember this one.” She was growing emotional just thinking about it._

_Wiping her eyes with her sleeve, Darcy took another deep breath and said sincerely, “You all know that Jane means the world to me, and I just know she and Thor will be the cutest parents in all the realms, however many there are. So, above all, you take care of my girl through all this, okay?”_

-

Darcy slung the baby bag over her shoulder and rushed to the elevator, slamming her fist on the button as Thor carried Jane as quickly as he could without making her uncomfortable- well, any more so than she already was. Jane clung to her husband, arms wrapped around his neck as she focused on breathing and braving the contractions. 

Darcy’s final rule echoed in Thor’s mind. _Above all, you take care of my girl, okay?_ She didn’t have to ask him twice. But now, in these last moments before their lives would be changed and their family begun, the Asgardian couldn’t help but think of the friends who had helped them to this point. He then realized their family wasn’t just starting, they were adding another member. It warmed his heart, but he was quickly drawn back to focus by a soft whimper. 

“Doing great, Janie,” Darcy promised. Thor agreed with a kiss to the crown of his wife’s head, and soon enough, they were hustling out of the elevator and into the garage to return to the escort vehicle. “We’ll be with the doctors at SHIELD soon. Think you can hang on until then?” 

“Yeah, let’s just go,” Jane breathed as Thor carefully placed her in the passenger seat of the car. He sat immediately behind her, and Darcy swung into the back behind the driver. A trembling hand reached back searching for her partner’s. It was tough to tell who was shaking more, but they both gave a little squeeze, which turned into a stronger squeeze as Jane fell silent again apart from a few pained sounds. 

The driver needed no persuading to depart swiftly. If there was one thing they knew how to do, SHIELD escorts knew how to dodge traffic in a mostly-legal fashion. Woe to the law enforcement team who tried to stop them on the account of speeding- they would have to get through a government agent, a god of thunder already on edge, a pregnant woman on the verge of tears, and a… well, Darcy, if they wanted to do any of their actual law enforcing. Thankfully, the driver knew all the right turns and managed to avoid any sort of major disasters before pulling up to the medical pavilion affiliated with the agency. 

“Out, out, everyone out,” Darcy barked, leaping from the car as the agent stood by and Thor collected his panicked wife from the passenger seat. “Thor, I think your wife is leaking,” she said, frowning and trying to play it off like she was only talking about the tears now streaming down the woman’s face. On everyone’s behalf, Darcy quietly promised the agent they’d clean that up later, and turned to focus on her friend. 

Jane was quickly deposited into a wheelchair and taken by a few nurses to the delivery room. Darcy couldn’t follow, so she called out to her friend, “Alright, Jane! Let’s go have a baby!” She clapped and hollered a few times before receiving odd looks from orderlies and other attendants within earshot. 

Thor nearly brushed past, headed for the room, when he stopped and turned to the young woman. “Darcy, I have not forgotten your last rule. None of us have, though I do not think you ever would have let us,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her tightly. 

“You know me too well, big guy. Well, what are you waiting for? Jane’s certainly not waiting for you!” She giggled and swayed on her tiptoes, giving Thor a kiss on the forehead before pushing him in the direction they had taken Jane. 

After watching to make sure the thunderer got to where he was supposed to be, Darcy released a breath it felt like she had held for ages, turned tail, and shuffled to the waiting room where she was met by the rest of the team, who had gotten there earlier. Tony dozed off in a chair while Pepper took a call in the corner. The assassins were both flipping through magazines, Steve sat patiently with his hands folded in his lap, and Bruce worked on a Sudoku puzzle. The scientist looked up when the young woman dragged herself in, smiling at her and putting his game aside. “Darcy, come on and take a seat. It’ll be a little while yet.” 

With a silent nod, Darcy draped herself across an open chair next to Bruce and moaned, upset she couldn’t do more to help her friend. Well, aside from delivering the baby herself… which didn’t sound like such a bad idea right now. 

“Hey, Darce, I see that look. You’ve done all you need to do, and more. Jane and Thor will be just fine, and just think- we’ve done nine months of waiting so far. What are a few more hours before meeting baby Thorsdottir?” 

Darcy rested her head against Bruce’s shoulder and sighed. “You’re right, I guess. Oh man, but now I just wanna see the baby. Can Jane push any faster?” She laughed, “Kidding… mostly kidding. Geez.” 

Darcy would try to cling to the occasional nurse, asking how Jane was doing. Fine, was their usual response. She was pushing a very big baby, though, and it would take a little longer just so they could make sure she didn’t hurt herself. It was at least three hours of waiting in the lobby, and the team was growing restless, exchanging quips and doing their best not to tear each other apart. 

-

“I bet Jane is totally drugged up right now.” 

“Barton!” 

“What? A girl would be crazy not to knock herself out if she got knocked up by a guy like Thor. Right, Tasha?” 

No comment. 

“She agrees with me.” 

“I hope she’s alright.” 

Several nods in unison, and a murmur of agreement. 

“I’m sure she’s doing great. We don’t have to worry.” 

“Think she could push any faster?” 

“Oh yeah, Tony, why don’t you go ask her yourself? Jane, do you think you could speed this us? The birth of your first child is taking too long. That sounds reasonable enough.” 

“Guys, please.” 

A death glare from Darcy shut everyone up, and they all slumped back down in their chairs. 

-

It verged on midnight before Bruce and Steve did a run for takeout. They couldn’t eat inside, so the team all shuffled outside to the patio as Pepper began to distribute the boxes of Thai food. They ate in a relative silence, anxiety lacing the air. 

It couldn’t be long now, could it? Jane had gone into that room nearly five hours ago. No word from Thor yet, and Darcy was considering breaking into the room and using any means necessary to get that kid out into the world. Instead, she had to be content with sitting outside on a bench with a bowl of curry, sitting beside Clint, who was downing noodles wolfishly. She would almost accuse him of being insensitive, but a gurgle from her own stomach quieted her. 

“Come on, Janie,” Darcy begged under her breath. “You can do it.” She stared at the steaming stuff in front of her, grateful that she had the others to wait it out with her into the twilight hours. Moths fluttered above, dancing around the lights in the murky midnight. Jane sure was taking her sweet time with this baby. 

Not more than ten minutes later Thor appeared behind the automatic sliding doors, which moved too slowly for his tastes. He grinned excitedly and without words beckoned his friend to follow him. Darcy was the first to shoot up, leaving her bowl of curry forgotten on the pavement. 

One by one, the others fell in line and everyone walked single-file down the corridor until they all poured into the room together, hushing their excitement in respect to the fatigued mother on the bed who now cradled her precious child as a reward for nine months of hard work. 

“Hey, guys,” Jane croaked, looking up and smiling at her friends. It was hard to take her eyes off her daughter, but right now it was even harder for her to keep her eyes open, her eyelids heavy as the baby she held in her arms. 

Darcy noted how tiny her friend looked. Granted, Jane was normally small, but under the weight of exhaustion, beside her massive husband, holding what appeared to be a huge baby by normal Earth standards, the new mother looked absolutely itty bitty. 

“Friends, I would like you to meet our daughter, Aster Thorsdottir. The most beautiful star in the nine realms,” Thor said proudly. He pushed Jane’s dampened hair back from her forehead and kissed her for a job well done. 

“She’s huge,” Natasha gawked. Beside her, Clint had the sort of look on his face like he was trying to figure out how a baby that big came out of someone so small… he gave the calculations up quickly. 

Jane laughed softly, “Yeah, I know. Doctors said she’s almost 13 pounds. That was… rough, to say the least. But isn’t she beautiful?” She looked down lovingly at her child in the way only a mother could. Steve handed Darcy a tissue silently. 

“Shut up, I am not crying,” the woman protested, taking the tissue defiantly. 

“Jane,” Thor chuckled, “I do believe your friend is leaking.” 

“Yeah, yeah, very funny,” Darcy said, punching the Asgardian lightly in the arm. Meanwhile, Aster began to stir, gurgling to make sure no one would forget about her. 

Jane cooed at the infant and kissed her soft brow. “I know, sweetie,” she murmured, “All your aunties and uncles came to visit you. We’ve been waiting for you for a long time.” With a finger, the mother stroked one of Aster’s soft wisps of hair, which they could see were blonde, now that the child was cleaned off and not so pink and screaming. 

Thor insisted that if any of them wished to hold the child they should first wash their hands and then sit in the armchair beside the bed. Everyone took a collective step back as Darcy flung herself into the chair. 

She was actually the only one brave enough to want to hold the child- Natasha wouldn’t be caught dead with the enormous infant in her arms any time soon. Clint was still trying to erase the mental picture he’d given himself earlier. Bruce was afraid to break her, Pepper was afraid Tony would break her, and Steve wanted to give the family their moment. There would be plenty of time for holding the child once they returned to the tower. 

“Alright, little star, do you want to meet your godmother?” 

Thor lifted his daughter and gently gave her to Darcy, whose heart melted once she recovered from the initial shock of how heavy the kid was. Jane hadn’t been kidding. 

“Hi there, baby,” she said, unsure of what to do with the bundle. “Jane, you are going to have killer arms in no time, seriously. And wait, did you say godmother?” 

Jane and Thor both nodded, and Darcy began crying anew… not that she had cried already. 

“Kid, I’m going to be the best godmother you’ve ever had, okay? Never mind that you have never had one. Oh god, you don’t even know what I’m saying right now,” she rambled, looking down into the wide, confused eyes staring intently back up at her. “Just know that it’s good. Oh, you’re beautiful just like your mother.” 

Without the responsibility of holding her baby in her arms, Jane accidentally slipped into a soft sleep, her weariness apparent. Darcy eventually handed the child back to Thor and checked the clock- it was already one. She wasn’t willing to admit it, but she was absolutely bushed herself. Everyone was, and it was probably time to let the family get some rest. 

One by one, as they had entered, the other avengers left the room, congratulating Thor and stealing glances at baby Aster. Darcy was the very last to leave, hanging onto the door handle, reluctant to let go. 

“You did a great job, big guy,” she whispered. “She’s beautiful. You and Jane are very lucky.” 

“Indeed we are.” He chuckled quietly, careful not to wake his sleeping wife or sleeping daughter, who even looked small in his arms. “Good night, Darcy Lewis, and I thank you. For everything. Your guide has served us well, and you will be a most excellent godmother.” 

“Don’t mention it. See you and the missus and the cutie in the morning. G’night.” 

And with that, Darcy left the room with the door clicking gently behind her, leaving the tiny, tired family in their moment of perfect, weary bliss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the final installment of my "Darcy's Guide" series! I am so sorry it took so long to finish, but I hope it was worth waiting for! Aster will probably appear in more fics later, and I might actually make a continuation to this series. My first attempt at a multichapter fic actually went pretty well, all things considered. I have plans for a Coffeeshop Thor AU and continuations of this one in the near future, so look out for those.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it, and I hope you enjoyed it!!!!!
> 
> Special thanks to my partner in crime, Maddy, for actually inadvertently helping me write all the rules. Love ya, science sister!
> 
> Aaaand that's all, folks! Until next time.


End file.
